What's Really Stopping You From Being With Yourself
So many of us struggle with BEING vs. DOING.
We want to spend more time just BEING but we find ourselves always drawn to doing, doing, doing.
We get busy with:
-work and overworking
-family demands
-saying yes when we mean no
-feeling more worthy when we’re doing something
-and putting the needs of others over our own.
Let’s start at the beginning. Let’s start basic.
What does DOING mean to you? I really do want you to pause here and think out your own personal definition of DOING. Write out or think up your own definition of DOING. Ok, next, what does BEING mean to you? Write out or think up your own definition of BEING.
I know for myself, DOING means keeping busy, staying involved, using my mind, being productive, being ON while BEING means listening to my heart (I might still be doing something but I’m in the flow of my heart), feeling joy in the moment of my experience, feeling connected and present.
So do your definitions of DOING and BEING match mine? If not, perfect! That’s exactly what I want to point out here. We all have our own personal standards, our own personal definitions of how we interact with the world. So you’re not doing/being anything right or wrong. By defining what these words mean for you, you can move forward.
Not all of us are going to have our lives fall into perfect place if we just start that dang meditation and yoga practice! I’ll be totally transparent here, when I used to practice yoga (I’m talking years ago at this point), I almost always left the practice feeling grumpy and off. In retrospect, I can see that even while I was supposed to just be “BEING” in myself during that time, I was having a conversation internally that was not relaxing or rejuvenating or full of presence.
So my goal through this exploration is to help you figure out what checks that box of actual BEING-ness for you.
If you know you are craving it but haven’t found it yet, here’s a thought for you to ponder. When you are trying to just BE with yourself, what is the conversation in your head? Is there a huge guilt trip going on for you about what you’re not doing at the moment? Is there fear rearing up about a possible future outcome or plan? Is there worry about all the things you didn’t do and who may or may not like you right now?
I really want you to pay attention to the thoughts that are happening in your mind the next time you have any window to just BE.
I’ve heard many clients want to just BE more and know that is one of the answers to their woes but they resist it, resist it, resist it. I’m throwing out the idea that the resistance comes from knowing that as soon as you step into that non-doing place, you start bullying yourself, judging yourself, capitalizing on your fears and worries and shaming yourself. So yeah, of course you’re going to resist going to that place.
Now, for the question of how to still integrate the very important act of BEING in this world even though you might blame, shame, judge or belittle yourself in the process leading up to it or while you're practicing it........
A couple of thoughts come to mind here:
-EMPATHY, when we practice empathy on ourselves, those scary and ugly thoughts still come but we welcome them in with loving arms and pull them toward us instead of trying to stay so busy that we never really have to face them. It’s OK to have fear and worry and pain and ugliness as long as you allow yourself to actually feel these things. It’s when we bully ourselves for what we feel, that things start to get really uncomfortable.
-FOLLOWING THE PATH OF YOUR HEART - So many of us hang out in our masculine selves a lot these days using our minds to navigate life day in and day out. Here is a call to let some of the amazingness and energy from your mind drain into your heart so that your heart can be the leader and the guide in your life at least some of the time.
What I’m suggesting here is that embracing what’s not working inside of you beyond just not making time to BE, is absolutely a huge step on the path to BEING more and more and more YOU.
It’s so important that we spend time in the white space of our lives so that we can integrate the fast paced, thinking, doing parts of us. Again, BEING can look like M A N Y different things. It’s not just sitting in meditation. It can be a walk on the beach, watching the sunset, savoring your tea in the morning. It might BE setting your timer through the day to take a breath and notice it or feeling your own heart beating when you lie in bed at night. BEING ness comes in so many forms and the one that is right for you is completely unique and completely ok.
You'll know when you've found it because you'll be in presence and in peace.
If you are looking for guidance and support to investigate further your inner mean girl that bullies you into overdoing all the time, please know that I'm here for that! Hit REPLY and let me know you're ready to search within or grab a spot on my calendar so we can chat about next steps.