Most everyone I know, myself included, spend a lot of time judging themselves and judging others. On the one hand, this is a quality that keeps us safe, right? As humans we are programmed to make judgements in order to survive and thrive.
On the other hand, we harm ourselves by assuming that others are judging us OR we judge ourselves first in an effort to keep ourselves small and protect ourselves from potential harms "out there."
I truly believe that some of our judging minds can be halted almost instantaneously and when we put this into practice the world will become a healthier and more tolerant place. Right now on this planet there is so much separation and pain while simultaneously so much love beating in our hearts.
Our quick judgements about others (especially those closest to us) and our bullying minds toward ourselves are not helping to end the perpetual cycle of separation, angst, pain, loneliness and fear. We are taught these judgements from the fears of our parents and caregivers and our peer groups. We want to fit in so we disown parts of ourselves in order to be safe and to be part of the tribe. It all makes total sense, but is it really serving us?
So that leaves us with two options in how to proceed:
Option 1: Keep on separating ourselves in an attempt to stay "safe" and judging ourselves and the world around us day after day after day whether those judgements have any basis in reality or not.
Option 2: Learn how to catch ourselves in the midst of our judgements of ourselves or each other and take steps to look at those judgements from a new angle.
I know both options very well. I’ve tried them both. And still do to this day. I just caught myself the other day worrying so much about being judged for something that was a total Story in my mind because I actually checked in with the person who had NO IDEA what I was talking about!
As an intuitive life coach to women from all over the world, I see how much our self judgement, our judging others and our worry about others judging us keeps us stuck.
Here are the four ways to turn the judgements that get you down into personal assets and aha moments:
1. Notice when you are using sentences like, "She's so .............................................. You fill in the blank here. Common ones might be bitchy, pessimistic, fake, dumb, awkward, insincere, crazy.
2. When you catch yourself in these judgements, take that ONE word that you are labeling the other person and and turn it around. Insert it into the courageous statement of "I am (fill in the word here).
3. See exactly what reaction comes up in you when you say this "I am" statement out loud. Do you laugh hysterically? Do you clench up? Do you immediately scoff at the ridiculousness of it all? Do you kind of see how it's maybe true?
4. Now, look for examples of when this "I am" statement is or was true. It can be anytime in your life, ever. So here's an example. You're coworker has been having a rough time lately and she's seemed really tired and out of sorts. At first you were compassionate but now it's getting to the point where you pretty much see her as whiny. There it is! Whiny. Now, take that word and insert it into, "I am whiny." Notice exactly what happens. How do you feel when you say that to yourself? Is it true? Look for examples of when you are or have ever been whiny. Mabye it was back when you were five and you remember that whiny feeling you would get every night around dinner time. Maybe you can kind of see how you whine to your partner at times. Play with it, sit with it, experiment.
5. Own it! When we can own these parts of ourselves that we tend to judge others for, the judgements begin to subside. It is sweet relief. What I'm saying is, we are judging others based on parts of ourselves that we don't accept. When we begin to accept these parts of ourselves, we no longer feel so flustered by them in others.
Do you see what I mean about this being a step toward less drama and more peace in your life?
Some simple yet brave recognition of where our deep judgements stem from gives us a whole new vantage point from which to view life!