No More Changing for Others, No More Blaming Others

The very first night of my life coach training program, I sat beside a poster hanging on the wall that boldly stated “Take 100% responsibility for yourself.”  Wtf!? I thought. 

I had never in my life been so blatantly told to deal with myself.  It definitely hit me in a weird way.

The lead coach then explained what she meant and why the sign was hanging there.  It meant, for whatever reaction came up in any of us at any point in our training, to claim it as our own and not blame others for the experience.  If we were struggling, it was OUR struggle.  If we were joyous, it was OUR joy.

It began to sink in and holy shit it kept me personally accountable.

That phrase has deeply stuck with me since then.  It’s been one that that has now become an undercurrent in my coaching practice.  It’s something that once people get, it is life altering on the deepest level.

I was working with a client recently whose self awareness was growing by leaps and bounds by having a life coach on her team.  She started to notice that WHENEVER she was around other people, she was worrying, judging herself, awkward and uncomfortable.  When she really broke it down, she noticed she wanted to please others so bad that she abandoned herself to them.  In a basic sense, she was trying to take responsibility for their experience of her and completely stopped taking responsibility for herself.  When we came around to this idea of her taking 100% responsibility for herself, it was like a lightening bolt had struck her and she saw everything from a new angle.  While she was so busy taking responsibility for everyone else and their experience, she was kind of betraying herself. 

If instead, she began taking 100% responsibility for herself, would that mean everyone else had to take 100% responsibility for herself and she was off the hook?  Well, yes……..and no.  

It meant: 

-she was off the hook from worrying about their needs and their reactions more than her own.  

-she was off the hook from betraying herself in hopes of everyone else being happy.  

-her shape shifting to try and please the ever changing whims of everyone else could end and she could step into her full power and full authentic self.

And as for everyone else?  She could hope that through her example they would step into themselves 100%.

What if everyone in the world starting tomorrow began to take 100% responsibility for herself?  Consider how much blame, shame, judgment and pain would just dry up and end.

This simple but profound concept truly has the power to change the world.  My coach was absolutely on to something.  I dare you, starting tomorrow, to see where you can begin taking responsibility for yourself where you aren’t now.  

Where do you easily push blame onto others?  

Where do you shove away uncomfortable feelings or lack acknowledgement of your wins? 

If you’re ready to make this leap and need support and tools for walking this journey toward owning your power and being fully OK with being 100% YOU, do get in touch.  In my 1:1 coaching program, this is one of the core principles we use.   Let’s walk together into the sacred space of claiming your heart and your profoundly deep well of love within.