It was perfect. Everything we've been looking for in fact. Acreage for my extreme yearning for homegrown food and flowers again, A HOT TUB!!, the whole shebang.
But there was this voice inside that was saying, "that's not it, that's not it." Confusing, I tell you!
We've been on this home hunt for a while now. We've been searching and intending. Believing and manifesting. Calling in with faith and hopefully grace. And then, here was this opportunity. On paper it checked out but emotionally it didn't.
And we both felt that way. Something was off but it was impossible to name. It's scary. It's scary to trust my gut on this one. I hear my inner critic coming up with lots of doubt and despair now after I've courageously claimed my truth. My inner critic is having a field day in the midst of my experiment. But I'm committed. I want to see where this journey takes me. Because, if ME, someone who preaches about listening inward, gives up here and now, how can any of us be courageous enough to keep going and listening to the voice in our hearts who have this higher wisdom? So I'll keep going toward my higher self, toward a feeling that is resonant, toward a YES on heart, body and soul level.
I know many of you experience examples like this in your day to day. Where your life checks out so well on paper. All the boxes checked and appropriate. All the should's in place. Everything "should" feel good and be OK. But still it's just not. Something is still off. Something within is working to get your attention and lets you know almost daily or at least weekly that though on paper, it's all good, inside it's not. You're always overwhelmed or forgetting things. Living in a fog or in a state of low grade angst. Regularly living your life by the approval of your never ending, never approving to-do list.
Are you willing to listen in? Are you willing to pay attention? Are you willing to practice courage to find what is your match and your truth even though it's all working out on paper? Are you willing to hear what might be unheard as of yet in your heart?
I'm beginning to see what a sleuth I am. You know how sometimes when you're chatting with a girlfriend you can hear her issues and the solution SO OBVIOUSLY but she can't hear it or see it at all? That's the role I play with people's inner critics. I sleuth them out and introduce them to people who have been living with them forever but HAVE NO IDEA!!! I can tell you inner critic is why you might feel off everyday. Inner critic is why it's important to live what checks out on paper but not necessarily in your heart.
Can you begin to sleuth out a voice inside that's not even really your own? That loves to criticize you for taking care of yourself? For not doing enough? For not making enough? For setting boundaries? For being authentic and vulnerable? When you notice this voice, you clear the way for your gut, intuition, higher self to help you find resonance in body, soul and heart.
So I'll wish you luck in sleuthing out the voice that's keeping you "off" and wish me luck on following my heart guidance toward home sweet home.